When I meet with a client for the first time, I try to find the answer to at least two questions:

1. Why are you here?
2. Why now?

The specific details vary, but people usually answer the “why are you here” question in one of three ways

1. Something isn’t working (a relationship, job, goal or dream)
2. Something is interfering with their happiness or sense of well-being (substance abuse, anxiety, depression or other mental health symptoms)
3. Someone else wants them to come in (a parent, spouse, partner or child gives an ultimatum “either you go to therapy or else…”)

The “why now” question is usually answered in one of two ways

1. I guess it is time
2. I’m afraid it’s too late

Wherever a person falls on the it’s-time to the it’s-too-late spectrum tells me how much of a crisis they’re facing. As you might imagine, a lot of people show up to therapy on the I’m-afraid-it’s-too-late end of the spectrum.

Unfortunately, these people have waited until the crisis has become unmanageable. And while we can certainly still help, progress can be slow, and clients often don’t get the results they were hoping for.

For example, a very common scenario is a couple seeking marriage counseling to give it one last try before they file for divorce. (They are very high on the I’m-afraid-it’s-too-late spectrum.) It’s rare for therapy to help this late in the game. So inevitably the couple divorces, and at least one of them comes to the conclusion that therapy is a waste of time.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you really want therapy to be effective, I highly recommend coming in sooner rather than later. Rather than thinking of therapy as a way to deal with crises, think of it as a tool that can help you avoid crisis situations. When you can’t avoid them, therapy can help you prepare and cope more effectively when one does arise.

The questions listed below are common examples of problems that can seem small but can easily lead to crisis situations if not addressed.

If you find yourself answering yes two more than one or two of these questions, especially if these things happen frequently, you would more than likely benefit from talking to a therapist. Don’t wait until a crisis is looming to make the call.

• Do you frequently have trouble naming and expressing your feelings?
• Do you feel guilty about or ashamed of normal feelings?
• Do you find that you often get too upset over ordinary events or your emotions are “too big” for the event?
• Do others tell you or do you feel that you are overly sensitive?
• Does it take you a long time to recover after being upset?
• Do you often feel confused by how other people react or respond to you?
• Are you in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe?
• Are you struggling to adjust to a big change in your life such as the birth of a child, going away to college, job change etc?
• Are you grieving the loss of someone important to you?
• Are you reacting in an unusual way to a loss or other unexpected event?
• Do you feel that you lack the confidence to make important changes or to address significant problems in your life?
• Do the same issues of conflict keep popping up between you and your spouse, friends or significant other?
• Does something consistently keep you from achieving your goals? (Substance use, sleep, food, social media, a relationship, gambling, apathy, fear…)
• Do you find that you are often in conflict with others?
• Do mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, panic, intrusive thoughts) interfere with your life or keep you from doing things you would like to do?
• Do you consistently have trouble concentrating or getting motivated?
• Do you ever feel like you don’t want to go on living, or that you would be better off dead? (This one is a definite yes for therapy — if you have these feelings, please call or text 988 now.)

If you are in the Greenwood/Indianapolis, Indiana area and are interested in learning more about how the therapy process works, give us a call at 317-743-8202 or email [email protected]. Even if you’re not in the area and have questions, we would be glad to help if we can.