One of my supervisors taught us to open therapy sessions with a simple question:

“What are we working on today?”

I love that question because it communicates so many things about successful therapy.

For starters, it’s a collaboration.

Good therapy is “we” — a collaboration between client and therapist. The therapist is responsible for creating an environment for change to happen. This is an intentional practice that requires a foundation of formal education and years of supervised experience in order to be effective. The client is responsible for showing up and being willing to change and grow.

“Working on” implies the sometimes tough reality that therapy is work. It requires clients to challenge and change negative beliefs and perspectives and have a willingness to be confronted. Clients also have to be willing to feel awkward or uncomfortable, even if for a short while.

This question also implies that we’re not going to be just sitting and chatting as friends. This is a working relationship. Together we have a job to do so you can be on your way and get on with your real-world relationships, your work, and your dreams.

In order for therapy to work well, therapists as well as clients need to understand their role.

So what’s on the client’s job description?

Here are 10 practical things you can do to have a successful therapy experience:

1. Do your homework – We’ve discussed the importance of finding a therapist that’s a good fit. (Read here for some pointers). You are the best expert on who is going to work for you and it’s important to do some research and know exactly who you’re looking for and why.
2. Show up – Make your sessions a priority. Be on time. Make an effort to use the time effectively. Come with an openness and willingness to roll up your sleeves and work hard. This includes honoring payment arrangements and avoiding habitually cancelling or rescheduling appointments.
3. Have something to talk about – Even if you decide in the car on the way to your appointment, try to have something specific in mind that you want to address in the session. Setting a mini-agenda will help you feel more accomplished and productive.
4. Set goals – Set goals for your therapy as a whole and also for individual sessions. Know why you’re taking this time and have in mind what you specifically want to accomplish. Your therapist can work with you to determine SMART goals, which are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time related.
5. Be willing to share openly and honestly – It is not uncommon for clients to withhold important puzzle pieces in therapy, often relating to substance use, sexual behavior, or past trauma. I understand why this happens, and I know things come out in time, but don’t be afraid to lay it all out there. While I’ve definitely heard some jaw-dropping revelations in the therapy office, I haven’t heard anything that the client and I couldn’t process and work through together. Being honest and open with your therapist is essential to healing.
6. Focus on process over content – Let’s say you are really struggling to share something. It might be embarrassing, awkward or uncomfortable. You think you should probably talk about it, but just can’t. When this happens, focus on the process. Talk about the fact that you are reluctant to share and the reasons why. You’d be surprised how this can facilitate new insights and possibly even help you feel more comfortable in spilling the beans.
7. Focus on you – not others – Therapy seems like a perfect opportunity to talk to an objective third party about all the annoying people in your life. And while these stories can be entertaining, they’re not usually productive. When you come to therapy, try to focus your stories on you — your experiences, feelings, perceptions, responses. We can’t fix people who aren’t in the room. It is far more effective to focus on the ones who are.
8. Avoid venting – Most of us love a good vent – we enjoy raging about the latest way someone wronged us or a shocking thing that happened. And while it may be nice to sit in your therapist’s office and unload, for the most part this isn’t productive. We often call this “problem talk.” It’s like a plane flying in circles but never landing. Occasional venting can be therapeutic, but this should not be the norm in your sessions.
9. Plan to work between sessions – There are 10,080 minutes in one week. A typical therapy session lasts between 45-53 minutes. This leaves 10,027 minutes to work on everything you just talked about. Try to leave your sessions with some kind of “takeaway.”  This could be something specific you want to accomplish or attempt, or something you just want to be more aware of. Take notes or journal between sessions and be prepared to discuss what came up in your thoughts, feelings and behaviors since you last met.
10. Focus on the relationship – Remember, the relationship is the key to change. Building a strong working alliance is essential for effective therapy. If your therapist disappoints or angers you, don’t be afraid to say so. Ask clarifying questions. Practice new ways of interacting. If you feel the therapy isn’t working, don’t ghost your therapist. Come back in for at least one more session and tell them why. In therapy, the endings are just as important as the beginnings. When you feel your work is done, discuss that with the therapist and collaboratively decide when your therapy is over.

If you are in the Greenwood/Indianapolis, Indiana area and are interested in learning more about how the therapy process works, give us a call at 317-743-8202 or email [email protected]. Even if you’re not in the area and have questions, we would be glad to help if we can.