Therapist Green Flags
I’m never afraid to tell my clients that I have been in therapy. Being in therapy with the right person at the right time changed my life.
Someone You Can Talk To
Assuming your therapist possesses at least a basic level of training and competency in their chosen field, it turns out that “being someone you can talk to” is essentially one of the most important factors of all in finding the right therapist.
How to Know if You Need Therapy
People come to therapy for lots of reasons, but many wait until a crisis is looming. If you really want therapy to be effective, I highly recommend coming in sooner rather than later. Rather than thinking of therapy as a way to deal with crises, think of it as a tool that can help you avoid crisis situations. When you can’t avoid them, therapy can help you prepare and cope more effectively when one does arise.
Let’s Talk: the Last of our Five Part Series on Better Communication
“I have never told anyone this before…”
“I’ve always wondered if it was my fault.”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me.”
“I was ashamed…”
“I was embarrassed…”
“I can’t imagine anyone finding out about this…”
It may or may not surprise you to know how often I hear these words uttered in my office. Men, women, children, adults. Age and gender don’t seem to matter. Over and over again I hear the quiet and painful stories of abuse, bullying, name-calling, molesting and more. Secrets people thought they would carry with them to the grave. Things long-buried, semi-forgotten, hidden in the shadows. But then — for no explained reason — these memories intrude upon their lives in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, nausea, fear. Events that cause them to hide from others, numbing their pain, or worse, lash out at ourselves or someone else.
A lot of people think they can handle it, that it’s not a big deal, that they can work through it, or have worked already through it. They don’t want to burden people that love them. They don’t think others will understand. They wonder if it was their fault.
This is not a political post, and I’m not offering opinions about the recent developments in the Christine Blasey Ford testimony, except to say that our inability to talk about terrible things creates enormous personal and societal problems. I can’t help but think how much pain and suffering could be avoided if our culture allowed us to talk about problems when they happen — not decades later. I wonder what our world would be like if girls and women and boys and men could speak up when they are abused or mistreated. If people could be empowered with the tools to care for themselves and others in a timely and healing way.
For a society that is wired and connected and inundated with loads of information, we sure do a terrible job at talking with others about the things that matter deeply to us.
One way you can do this is to be intentional about creating an atmosphere of communication with the people you care about.
Put the phone down. Use current events, television shows and books as springboards for deeper conversations. Be spontaneous as well as scheduled. Carve out time for just being together and put it on your calendar as you would any other important event. Talk over shared activities. Build a fire. Keep board games in the family room. Ask open-ended questions. Good communication takes time — be intentional about investing this time in your loved ones.
At Generations Counseling, we want to support you in your efforts to connect with the important people in your life. To help move all of us toward more talking, more listening, and more helping, we are launching a new event called Second Tuesdays. Beginning November 13, on the second Tuesday of each month, we will host a discussion on events that are important to our mental health and our local community. Our goal is to give people in schools, workplaces and families the tools and information they need to have important conversations.
Our first topic is Family & Politics: Tips for Surviving the Holidays in a Hostile Climate. Yikes, I know. It’s a tough one. But we need to talk about it. We will be offering tips and strategies for navigating relationships with people we may love, but don’t agree with. We share ideas for learning to communicate more thoughtfully, more helpfully, more respectfully, and hopefully help avoid some of the family drama that always seems to accompany the holidays.
This is a free event, open to the public. We would love to have you join us.
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P.S. To sum up all the info in our communication series, we’ve created a free download.
To get yours, click here.
Need more? If you are feeling stuck and need some outside help in managing your communication, emotions, or relationships, our team at Generations Counseling is available! Give us a call at 317-743-8202 or email at: [email protected] today.
Transitions are hard
I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be living and working in the Greenwood/Indianapolis area. I enjoyed attending the State Fair this past weekend (I may or may not have had my share of a warm funnel cake…), and I’m very excited about all the cool antique stores and flea markets in my area.
But as with any move, this has been a huge transition, and not all of it has been fun. For the past few weeks I feel like all I’ve been doing is updating my address and phone number, unpacking boxes and trying to find my way around a new community.
I’ve known for a long time that I would eventually move to this area, but I wanted to wait until my youngest graduated from high school. When the day finally came, it was a little surreal — it’s one thing to talk about doing something, it’s totally different to actually follow through and take action.
I’m not going to lie — it’s been hard. I’ve had to say a lot of goodbyes lately, and there have been more than a few tears shed. Even though I know I’ve made the right decision, it’s been difficult to walk away from a full practice, dear friends, and lots of professional connections.
Of course, coming home to the welcoming arms of my extended family has made things a lot more bearable — I just hired my nephew to mow my lawn and I can now refer clients to my sister who is a Greenwood colleague!
One thing that has helped me through the hard times is to remind myself something I frequently tell my clients: transitions are hard. Good ones, bad ones — it doesn’t matter. Change is hard, and it often requires all the emotional and physical strength we can muster. When we’re facing change, it’s so important to give ourselves the gift of time. We need time to grieve, time to adjust, and time to settle in. It’s amazing how the simple act of giving ourselves permission to take the time we need can settle us down.
As someone who’s endured more than a few transitions, I would love to opportunity to help you navigate yours. If I can help, please don’t hesitate to call.